Social emotional learning sounds like a school program, but most of it happens at kitchen tables, in the car and at bedtime. Social emotional learning (SEL) is the set of skills that help children understand what they feel, calm down when feelings are big, care about other people, and solve small problems with friends and family.
You do not need a curriculum. A few repeated routines and some playful games can do a lot. Here are the skills worth practicing, then 15 social emotional learning activities at home you can try this week.
The five skills behind SEL
Different programs use different labels, but most describe a similar set:
- Self-awareness. Noticing and naming feelings, and knowing what you like and are good at.
- Self-management. Calming down, waiting, finishing something frustrating.
- Social awareness. Noticing how other people feel and what they need.
- Relationship skills. Taking turns, sharing, asking for help, saying sorry.
- Responsible decision-making. Thinking about what happens next and choosing a safe, kind option.
Young children are only beginning on all five, so expect progress in small steps and plenty of setbacks.
Activities for self-awareness
1. Feelings faces. Sit in front of a mirror and make a happy, sad, angry, surprised and sleepy face. Ask, “What does your body feel like when you make this face?” Our guide to emotion activities for preschoolers has more games in this style.
2. Weather check-in. Each morning, ask: “What is the weather inside you today? Sunny, cloudy, stormy?” There are no wrong answers, and it gives children a low-pressure way to share.
3. High and low. At dinner, each person shares one good moment (“high”) and one hard moment (“low”) from the day. Adults join in, which shows that everyone has both.
Activities for self-management
4. Calm-down corner. A small cozy spot with a cushion, a few picture books and a soft toy. Practice using it when everyone is calm, so it feels safe rather than like a punishment.
5. Breathing games. “Smell the flower, blow out the candle” or “breathe like a balloon” (belly in and out). Practice for one minute daily, not only during upset moments.
6. Wait-and-see games. Simple activities that include waiting: planting a seed, baking something, a “red light, green light” game. Waiting is easier to learn in play than in a crisis.
Activities for social awareness
7. Story pauses. While reading aloud, stop and ask: “How do you think she feels? What might help?” Stories let children think about feelings from a safe distance. See our guide to teaching empathy to preschoolers for more story-based ideas.
8. Guess the feeling. Act out an emotion without words and let the child guess, then swap roles. You can also use pictures from magazines.
9. Kindness notes. Each day, notice one kind thing someone did and say it aloud or write it on a card: “Dad held the door for the neighbor.”
Activities for relationship skills
10. Turn-taking games. Simple board games, building a tower one block at a time, or rolling a ball back and forth. Narrate what is happening: “You waited. Now it is your turn.”
11. Role-play with puppets. Use two toys to act out common conflicts: someone wants the same toy, someone does not want to play. Ask the child, “What could the bear say?” Let them lead the solution.
12. Practice repair. When someone is hurt, model the steps: check on them, say sorry, ask “What can I do to help?” Children learn that mistakes can be fixed.
Activities for decision-making
13. “What happens next?” cards. Draw or describe a small situation (“Your friend drops her lunch”). Ask: “What could you do? What might happen then?” Accept any answer, then talk about whether it is safe and kind.
14. Choice boards. Offer two acceptable options for daily decisions (which pajamas, which snack). Making small choices builds confidence for bigger ones.
15. Problem-solving jar. Write calm-down ideas on slips of paper (“hug a pillow”, “drink water”, “ask for help”) and put them in a jar. Pull one out together during practice sessions.
Using stories as a shortcut
Many children find it easier to talk about a character’s feelings than their own. Picture books and short printable stories can open the door.
- When I Feel Angry: A Story About Big Emotions is an illustrated PDF storybook for ages 4 to 8, with 10 to 15 pages and conversation starters for parents and teachers. It models strategies such as deep breathing, counting to ten and using words instead of actions.
- It’s Okay to Be Shy: A Story About Quiet Confidence follows a shy child from hesitation toward quiet confidence, with conversation prompts, and is also for ages 4 to 8. It offers validation rather than judgment. For more on this topic, read helping a shy child feel confident.
Print the pages, read them over a few evenings, and use the conversation prompts as a starting point.
Make it part of everyday life
- Keep it short. Five minutes a day is plenty.
- Name feelings in the moment. “You look frustrated that the tower fell.”
- Accept all feelings, guide behavior. “It is okay to feel angry. It is not okay to throw things. Let’s squeeze this pillow.”
- Model it. Say, “I’m feeling stressed, so I’m going to take three breaths.” Children copy what they see.
- Be patient. Self-control develops over years. A four-year-old who melts down at bedtime is not failing at SEL; they are practicing.
When to ask for help
Most children go through phases of tantrums, shyness or clinginess. If big feelings are causing constant distress, if your child seems very withdrawn, or if you are worried about their development, speak with your pediatrician or your child’s teacher. They can offer guidance specific to your child.
